itsjusme2

When you sit...............you become very aware...........
there is the quiet...........

Soft faded sounds of cars driving past down the distant road.................and you wonder where they might be going...................sitting in your immobile state...........restrained — you can’t move.............the weight presses against your legs and chest...................and the cars hum past and you want to go down that road too —
but can’t.........................

Weighted down..............................................nothing there

and a soft breeze moves gently round — a slight coolness — brushing against a face.......across closed lids.........mixing with shallow breath..........in............out............in..........and the head tilts back and the fan turns in the darkness catching brief rays of moonlight through a window hypnotically casting it’s spell................swirling intoxication.............and the mind too swirls..............with thoughts and non-thoughts trying to make sense of the motionlessness.....numbness......emptiness in the simple quiet.........................................................
even the cars are passing in quiet now as if they too know what is.................what is meant to be...........................

A void is felt within...............even in the mind — and as it swells — the void — the pressure begins to dissipate and................as if allowed..........but the mind is still blank --- there is a feeling that there are questions............but nothing clear...............so where to begin............there is no starting place.................

Roaming through the darkness..........one room at a time — feeling the away — deep shadows in the blackness peaking caution....................with hands outstretched and steps hesitant — eyes darting.......looking, but not seeing.........all senses trying to illuminate so pitfalls are evaded.........walls, furniture, doorways, steps.............waiting as anxiety heightens..............and the walls of isolation, obscurity, seclusion and solitude close in and the door of confinement locks tight..................

Questions..........
questions — knocking.........pounding........rattling —
mind still blank........
it feels like questions........................but nothing is there.....
everything everywhere is black —
where’s the light.........
just a little......that’s all.......brief.......on/off.................
can’t see them.........can’t think them........can’t unlock them —
they are there.........

Those walls are moving again...........................can’t see them...........but can feel them.........
Yes..............they — are — moving............................
Without even a sound...................................

Sweat beads.............A tear rolls..............

The breeze..........look up — the fan ?............here ? — I haven’t moved ?.........walked ?
Yes..........I did....................
I’m sure I did....................
How...............when did I........
How could I be here..........back here............still here...........
With the weight pressing against my legs and chest.....................

Weighted down..............................................nothing there

The hours spent..........time totally lost — and never to be regained...
How long have I been here..........restrained..........
At least for a time there was movement...............................at least it felt as if there was

Not knowing.........knowing nothing...........................kept in the dark — that’s the darkness......and how black it can be................................well it is said that ignorance is bliss........

Wait...........well it is said that ignorance is bliss — again........the walls........the walls — they moved......................m o v e d............no — not closer — back.....................

Ignorance is bliss......................look..........more — in the darkness..........seen..........more again....
Back.........again they moved back......................pressure lessening..............a little............

Ignorance and Avoidance — yes...........that’s it...................
Ohhhhhhhhh — there.......a flash of light.............see it......................
Walls moved again.........
Ignorance......................and.....................Avoidance

Light — there again..........
Ignorance..............................pressure lessening more.........

Ignorance
look but don't see
hear but don't listen
talk but don't speak
And.................Avoidance — walls.............did ya see...........

Avoidance
don't seek
don't question
don't invite


Ignorance is bliss
Ignorance is bliss
Ignorance is bliss.................and Avoidance.............

The door — it’s ever so slightly......slowly......opening

Walls..............Door...........Light...................

YES................

You have the knowledge...........and knowledge is power...........and it’s power over all..................

The key.................it’s now in hand............

Don’t ask questions.................Don’t look for answers..............
don’t read writings —
don’t interpret words —
don’t look to eyes for meaning —
don’t open hearts for giving —
don’t open minds for understanding..........


and freedom.........will.........be..........yours..............